Making Friends

Finding friends almost feels like dating used to feel when I was single. Think about it – when you are dating, you look for someone you might click with, someone you would enjoy spending time with, right? Then you ask them out – maybe in a group setting or to coffee. If things go well, you might ask them to dinner. Over dinner, you spend a lot of time talking about everything you can thing of. During the whole process you are concerned about rejection and acceptance. Sometimes you even let the fear of rejection keep you from pursuing a relationship. As Stephanie and I meet new couples at the church, we look to see if we click. We might ask them if they want grab something to eat after church and if everything is going well, we might ask them over to dinner. And like dating, we sometimes wonder if other couples will like us – if they will accept or reject us.

Well, we’ve been in Arizona for almost a year and I was hoping we would have several close friends by now, but we don’t. I realized that having close friends is a process. And it doesn’t happen by default. You have to work at friendships. I see close friendships like a garden – you have to make plans for them, spend time on them, work them even when you don’t feel like it, and never neglect them. In time, like a garden you will see the fruit of your labor.

It’s somewhat understandable that we would take a couple of weeks to get settled in the new environment, even a month or two. But it’s been over ten. We have lately, however made a few steps in the right direction. We recently went to a birthday party for the better half of a couple we met at the church shortly after we moved here. We have spent some time with them on other occasions as well, including helping them move. And tonight we had another couple over from the church as well to play cards and let the kids (theirs and ours) play together. It was a lot of fun – if fact, they just left (it’s after midnight). Maybe we are starting to see a few friendships moving past the ‘seedling’ stage in our garden…